Love's Lesson: Ironies

For my birthday weekend, I ran away to San Fransisco. I met a man while I was there, one who is attractive, young, and engaged, and fell easily in to conversation with him. Not really that hard to do since I'm usually a friendly and outgoing person (or at least outgoing enough to meet new people) and he is the same. Plus, there was only a small number of us at the dinner where I had met him. What is the point of me telling you of this man that I met? He had said something that made sense even then, but I have still been thinking often of it. We'll call this man that I met by his name, Nate.

There is a second man in my story, whom I met at the same time. We'll call him Steve. The three of us were talking, with a few others listening and agreeing at various points of our conversation, about relationships. We came to the conclusion that there are relationships that I am sure each of us have been in that, when they ended, we were relieved to be out of them. Notice I did not necessarily say happy (although there may be some of those too!), but relieved, like a burden had been lifted from our shoulders. And there are other relationships that once they ended we were truly heartbroken.

It was towards the end of this conversation when Nate had spoken those several sentences that have held my thoughts even a few days after leaving San Fransisco. He explained the irony about relationships. Here is what he had said: You want to enter a relationship with these walls you have built up, protecting yourself and your heart from pain. (And the more relationships you have had, the higher and thicker those walls tend to be.) But in order for a relationship to really work, you have to give your whole heart, despite the risks. If you don't, you will never have a relationship that works. It's when we feel completely vulnerable, when those walls and those guards are down, that we will find strength in our relationship. But both parties need to do that; both need to allow themselves to be vulnerable and give to the other whole heartedly. Yes, that does mean that should the relationship end it will be heart breaking; however, it is also the only way you will really find a relationship that does work out the way each of us want. Ironic, isn't it?

Now the question is can I do that?