Life's Lesson: Friendship

So, I carpool with one of my roommates to work every day, which gives us a lot of opportunity to chat should we desire to do so. On the way home the other day, we were talking about work and how she was feeling about school and how I was feeling about...other things. Somehow, the conversation turned to friendships and single's wards. In the midst of the conversation, we decided it was one we really should share with Sister Larsen. She has a wealth of knowledge and good advice and has this way of teaching us without us realizing it sometimes. Plus, she's an amazing woman.

Well, the opportunity came last night. I had gotten to institute early to practice with the choir and so had a few minutes to chat with Sister Larsen after choir but before class actually got started. We couldn't go very deep into the conversation because, well, class was going to start soon and my roommate would have killed me for having that conversation without her there! The two institute classes were combined, so we all studied from James Talmage's Jesus The Christ, focusing on "those things which proceed out of the mouth [which] defileth a man." I was sufficiently humbled as I listened to the discussion and reflected on those things I had said (and the way I had said them) and done, particularly over the last two months.

After institute my roommate, Sister Larsen and I sat down together and had our own little discussion.

The whole thing started when I was talking to a guy friend of mine in the ward who was frustrated with the whole single's ward scene. Granted, it's really annoying and I hate the stupid games. He was venting to me a bit because he was feeling antisocial, and he really did not like the 'social' people much just then. He was venting a bit because his roommates feel the need to go to every event anyone is putting on and be social, but they neglect the opportunities to sit down and get to know someone more one on one, and we are not necessarily talking about dating right now. On top of that, a good majority of the ward feel that a guy and a girl cannot be good friends unless they are dating or intend to date. But of course we are in a single's ward where we're only looking for an eternal companion...who needs friends, right? I hope you sense sarcasm when you read that last sentence because that is the stupidest thinking. No one has enough friends. But nearly every conversation I have at church feels very surface level and superficial, so none of us really feel like we have good friends. Well, most of us feel that way at least. I don't really consider someone just talking to me when they see me at church a friend; they are more of an acquaintance.

My roommate made a very keen observation though; We are all in the single's ward still (where the average age is about 27) because each one of us, to some degree, has a fear of commitment and even to be willing to truly be a friend and get past the superficial requires commitment. When you commit to someone on any level, you make yourself vulnerable and no one wants to feel vulnerable. (Kind of reminds me of the 'Love's Lesson: Irony' conversation I had...interesting.) This observation of my roommate's is precisely what we wanted to talk with Sister Larsen about. But when asked by the Joe's after institute what we were going to talk about with her, we couldn't very well say 'commitment.' It would have made things REALLY awkward for all individuals present.

Then the three of us (myself, my roommate, and Sister Larsen) all pulled up a chair and talked. We talked of how accurate that observation really was, and how that affects dating (you can't have a successful relationship without a friendship as it's base). We actually talked very little about dating, and kept the focus mostly on friendship and how when you get past the commitment fear and let your walls down so that you can have a close friendship, that is when you start to really care about those around you and you have a Zion society.

So, I've decided to try and change and make good friends. Perhaps it will spread, perhaps not. But I will not be one who doesn't make an effort. I will not be one of those that can't be good friends with someone just because I'm not interested in dating them. I will be one who can create opportunity to truly get to know someone and maybe make a friend or two out of it. I can't control what anyone else will do, I've learned that finally. And it may still hurt but the worst anyone can do is say 'no, I don't want that.'

In order to go out and accomplish this new mission of mine, I realize that I need to be more like the girl I was. So, I have made a resolution to not only make new and lasting friendships, but to again be one who seeks for the silver lining in each situation, to find the good. I am done complaining and venting and whatever else. It just brings me further down and makes everyone around me not as happy either. "Our words and external expressions...reflect both who we are and shape who we are becoming" (Robert S. Wood). I want to become better.